What I Have in Common with Kendra

In the interest of transparency, I’ll just go ahead and admit that we watch “Kendra”. You know, the former Playboy bunny, now married to an NFL player and recently new Mom? It would have been so easy to say that DeAnn watches it, and I just catch parts, but no… there we sit, watching, laughing, and sometimes, rewinding it for the funniest parts.

Last week’s episode consisted of Kendra getting ready to go out on the town with her girlfriends and feeling depressed about her “baby belly” that hasn’t quite gone away. DeAnn and I talked about how sad it is to see such a pretty girl get all worked up about such a thing, and something occurred to me… I’m just like her!

I’m not like her in that probably all her life, she has been judged on her looks, therefore not meeting whatever “standard” she has for herself is a tough road to travel; but I have my own “standard”… that of performance.

From childhood, I always wanted to be as smart as my older brother, who would work for hours on his homework, diligently plotting and planning his future. By the time he graduated, he was a solid 4.0, co-valedictorian at graduation, and admired by all. Me, not so much! I’d wait until the last possible minute to crank out a half-ass report, copy someone else’s math homework, etc… In my mind, “I’d never be as smart as my brother, so why bother?” Not good. Ended up leaving High School in the middle of my class, a solid 2/75 cumulative, and nothing to brag about!

My family owned a thriving janitorial business from the time I was about 8 until several (probably many) years after I left home. Each night, we’d scurry off, singing the latest Bruce Springsteen song (if you’ve never heard my Dad sing, “I’m on Fire” you’ve missed a great experience!). Performance issues kick in again, this time, not finding all the dirt, not picking up all the staples, missing the stains at the back of the bowl, etc… Granted, my folks NEVER said, “why can’t you be more like your brother?” but I said it to myself plenty of times.

Several years of working in ministry brought its own sense of inadequacy, also…. Did I pray enough? Have I studied enough? What if I’m not good enough? Why would anyone want to listen to what I have to say? Performance, Performance, Performance!!!

So here I sit, 38 years old, working in sales, and dealing with performance all over again. In my own mind, what I do is never good enough, and I have to consciously remind myself of a few things… points that might help you, too.

1. Only God can handle such insecurities. I do my best to stay close to Him, as He’s the only real help in these situations!

2. Deflecting all of these insecurities onto others can lead to trouble. Is my boss happy with me? Am I doing a good job? He tells me I am, but in the back of my mind, I still wonder. This is where I try to refer back to #1!

3. Measure myself against a realistic standard. An executive at my company reminded me recently that “you can’t win them all”, and that’s true, I suppose. I guess I just like to win them all, so in my own mind I measure up… again, I attempt to refer to #1.

So Kendra, take my advice… true beauty is not in the size of the jeans, but in the content of your soul. And I’ll try to remember that God thinks I’m just fine, and he’s proud of me, no matter if I win or lose, and that He’s holding me to the standard of His Love for me, not for my performance.

How about you? Feeling transparent today? Want to share? I welcome your thoughts, your struggles and your issues… we’re all in this together!