Last week’s episode consisted of Kendra getting ready to go out on the town with her girlfriends and feeling depressed about her “baby belly” that hasn’t quite gone away. DeAnn and I talked about how sad it is to see such a pretty girl get all worked up about such a thing, and something occurred to me… I’m just like her!

I’m not like her in that probably all her life, she has been judged on her looks, therefore not meeting whatever “standard” she has for herself is a tough road to travel; but I have my own “standard”… that of performance.

From childhood, I always wanted to be as smart as my older brother, who would work for hours on his homework, diligently plotting and planning his future. By the time he graduated, he was a solid 4.0, co-valedictorian at graduation, and admired by all. Me, not so much! I’d wait until the last possible minute to crank out a half-ass report, copy someone else’s math homework, etc… In my mind, “I’d never be as smart as my brother, so why bother?” Not good. Ended up leaving High School in the middle of my class, a solid 2/75 cumulative, and nothing to brag about!

My family owned a thriving janitorial business from the time I was about 8 until several (probably many) years after I left home. Each night, we’d scurry off, singing the latest Bruce Springsteen song (if you’ve never heard my Dad sing, “I’m on Fire” you’ve missed a great experience!). Performance issues kick in again, this time, not finding all the dirt, not picking up all the staples, missing the stains at the back of the bowl, etc… Granted, my folks NEVER said, “why can’t you be more like your brother?” but I said it to myself plenty of times.

Several years of working in ministry brought its own sense of inadequacy, also…. Did I pray enough? Have I studied enough? What if I’m not good enough? Why would anyone want to listen to what I have to say? Performance, Performance, Performance!!!

So here I sit, 38 years old, working in sales, and dealing with performance all over again. In my own mind, what I do is never good enough, and I have to consciously remind myself of a few things… points that might help you, too.

1. Only God can handle such insecurities. I do my best to stay close to Him, as He’s the only real help in these situations!

2. Deflecting all of these insecurities onto others can lead to trouble. Is my boss happy with me? Am I doing a good job? He tells me I am, but in the back of my mind, I still wonder. This is where I try to refer back to #1!

3. Measure myself against a realistic standard. An executive at my company reminded me recently that “you can’t win them all”, and that’s true, I suppose. I guess I just like to win them all, so in my own mind I measure up… again, I attempt to refer to #1.

So Kendra, take my advice… true beauty is not in the size of the jeans, but in the content of your soul. And I’ll try to remember that God thinks I’m just fine, and he’s proud of me, no matter if I win or lose, and that He’s holding me to the standard of His Love for me, not for my performance.

How about you? Feeling transparent today? Want to share? I welcome your thoughts, your struggles and your issues… we’re all in this together!

I remember one bright, sun-shiny day calling my wife and asking (since she grew up in San Diego), “Is it EVER not sunny and 70 degrees here?!?” (as if complaining about the beauty and warmth was justified!) Unbelievable, I know… but the point is, you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone!

18 years later, we’ve planted ourselves in the Nashville area. Great city, awesome friends, good schools… home. I can’t imagine ever leaving here, as I have grown accustomed and rather fond of the four mild seasons (except for mid August, when it’s just too hot and sticky to move around much!).

This has been one of the wettest autumns in recent history, historically colder winter than usual, and from all predictions, we are in for some real fun for spring, being on the bottom end of Tornado Alley! And as much as I would love to wake up each day, smell the ocean air, and live among the fantastic people of San Diego, I won’t complain a bit about Nashville!

Fortunately for me, I get to travel back to San Diego about once per month. My visits are short and mostly business-related, but I always make time to see the ocean, gaze out at the wonder of the Pacific Ocean, eat a fish taco at Rubio’s, and hit up Nordstrom Rack for some last year’s/discounted Lucky Jeans (my favorite).

So to the City that is San Diego I say, “I’m sorry! I’m sorry for taking your for granted while I lived there! Please don’t hold it against me the next time you see me.”

I haven’t found the magic pill that gets me out of all of life’s troubles, and I hear that only death brings that, so I’m happy to have to deal with the realities of life in light of the alternative!I have, on the other hand, found a great little book (the fact that Nelson published it is not the point, and on my blog, I leave “salesman Brian” at the door) that is really helping me stay centered. The book is called, “Jesus Calling” by Sarah Young.  I don’t know what the rules are about quoting from a book, so I’ll just paraphrase today’s devotional so you get the gist. Basically, don’t look to anything other than God to find your center, as the rest of the world is spinning out of control, and true peace, joy and love come from God… good stuff.

So this post is hopefully an encouragement to you, as it is I; to help you manage the pressures of life through the lens of eternal things, and remember (saw this on a Facebook post this morning) that all the time we are pursuing Him we are already in His hand. – Tozer

On a related note… I’ve finally learned that God is not some angry kid on an anthill with a magnifying glass waiting for me to go the wrong direction so he can burn me. He’s a loving, kind, generous God with good intentions for me… so today I’m going to have more confidence in God’s ability to lead me, than in my ability to follow Him.

How do you deal with the pressures of life? Got any other books that help you through?

1. She’s brave. When she feels like change is necessary, she calculates, anticipates, and moves. I admire that about her.

2. She’s funny. Everyone thinks that I’m the funny one in our family of 4… not so. The kids get their smarts, their looks and their wit from my wife. Some of my favorite memories of the past 19 years, 2 months and 3 days are the nights we lay in bed laughing hysterically at something we’ve seen or heard.

3. She’s opinionated. I knew it the moment I met her… some people close to me wouldn’t like her much, and I loved that about her! Someone to challenge me, challenge the status quo, and make me a better person.

4. She thinks I’m better than I really am. ’nuff said.

5. She believes that I can do all of the things that I tell her I cannot. And she tells me I can do them, and encourages me until I succeed… or fail…

6. She has a laugh that is contagious. Not the everyday, “oh, that’s a humorous thing there”, but a hearty, full, infectious laugh that makes me want to be funnier so I can hear it more.

7. She likes our Friday nights! Most Friday nights, as one child heads upstairs to dominate the world of Xbox, and another either is working or hanging with friends, we crank up the Ipod,  sip a beverage and talk, play cards, put a puzzle together, etc… nothing too glamorous or fancy, but home, nonetheless.

8. She doesn’t pick on me. I am quick to point out that the toilet paper roll is on backwards, or the knives are upside down in the dishwasher, or whatever stupid insignificant thing is on my mind at the time, and all I get in a return is, “I’m sure there are things that you do that drive me crazy, but I can’t think of any right now.” See? Awesome!

9. She always makes a big deal when I come home from a trip. I travel a lot, and always look forward to coming home, even after a day trip, to a big hug; as if it’s the first time I got on an airplane or something.

10. She’s here for the long-haul. Every day is a blessing to be with her, because I know she’s there… she’s there mentally, spiritually, and physically… and she has no plans to replace me! The task now, try to stay irreplaceable!

I love you, babe…

I’m working on this comedy bit and I shared the premise with my wife and a few friends that I respect, and realized I may have stepped into something sticky without even knowing it. I know that sometimes the truth is said in jest, but that’s not the case in this bit I’m working on… and no, I’m not going to blog about it, because I think it’s solid, but want Rik to pick it apart first!

But before I dig into my work to try to write a great bit on marriage, I felt I should probably document my true feelings, as to not be held liable later!

I have been married to the nicest girl who decides to see past all my B.S. since December of 1990. Do the math, that’s a LONG time! Don’t get me wrong, I’m very happily married, and wouldn’t have wanted my life to turn out any differently. (That’s a total lie… I would have liked to have started MySpace or Google or something that could have made me a bizillionaire by now, but I digress)

In my opinion, there are a few things we should learn about marriage, preferably BEFORE we get married:

1. Marriage is work! It’s not like syncing an Ipod, downloading a book on a Kindle, or anything else that is easy due to the digital age. It’s about communication, respect, and for godssake, not taking yourself too seriously to laugh at yourself!

2. Marriage is what you make it. Want a prison? Act like a prisoner. Want a paradise? Act like a tourist. You know… be forgiving when things don’t go your way. Appreciate the scenery. Take time to relax. Say “please” and “thank you” a lot…

All this to say, hopefully, when I’m done with this writing class and have taken the performance classes and FINALLY hit the stage, those of you who hear the routine on being married will realize that finding the funny in your experiences is genius, and finding the funny in an opposite reality simply allows you to play with a toy that’s not yours… so off to the neighbor’s yard to play….